Unwanted — Apple Blumpkin
When Diamond Tiara is in trouble, the least likely pony steps up to help.
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«Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.» — Carl Jung
Diamond Tiara laid in her impressive four post princess sized bed. She had her eyes closed, and her breathing was slow and steady. She was completely still, asleep to any observer.
Diamond Tiara wished she could sleep. She was having yet another restless night. Everything was too quiet. However, her house was almost always quiet. Her father was gone on another important business trip. The hired help had all gone home, and the butler was asleep in the servant’s quarters that were detached from the actual home. Her mother hadn’t been there since she was a filly. Diamond Tiara was alone in an empty house; Diamond Tiara felt empty.
Giving a small sigh of frustration, Diamond knew from experience that sleep just was not an option in the near future. Hopping out of bed and turning the lights on, Diamond headed over to a dresser and took out the pills that Silver Spoon given her to help with fatigue, Popping an extra for safe measure, as their effectiveness had seemed to drop off recently.
With nothing better to do, Diamond then spent several minutes staring off aimlessly into her dresser mirror. Nights like these were all too common for Diamond, and unfortunately, she knew just what would make her feel better. Taking out her straight razor, Diamond held it in her hoof almost reverently. She had stolen it from her father. He had several so she doubted he even knew it was missing, and if he did notice, he would probably think that the hired help had nicked it. It was a fine thing. Slim with a silver handle. Gently unfolding the razor, Diamond cradled the handle and galvanized steel blade, one in each respective hoof. Diamond Tiara held a certain likeness for the razor; she held in some regard. Of course Diamond had not named the razor or anything else equally silly, but it was still important.
Bringing the razor against her front leg, Diamond Tiara let the sharp edge slowly glide across her offered leg. With a hair of pressure over gravity, the blade went past her fur and lightly and cleanly sliced into her skin. A small, short moan of relief escaped Diamonds in reply of her action. Diamond feelt no pleasure from the act, but the sight of her own blood and the sting of the cut made the numbness recede, even if only temporarily.
Diamond feels the life rush back to her. When she did this, she wasn’t trying to kill herself, quite the opposite really; at least, that is what Diamond always told herself. As Diamond lightly cut into herself again, all of her troubles seemed to fade to the background. The sight of blood brought Diamond into the present, and the pain, while not exactly being pleasant, was reassuring. Comforting.
Deep down Tiara knew it couldn’t continue like this. Her little hobby didn’t really solve her problems; it just provided a momentary respite. Things would get worse and worse, just as they had slowly been doing up to this point. With a slight shake of her head, Diamond Tiara quickly banished such foreboding thoughts. It was better to just enjoy what relief you could find for now.
A third thin red line opened up on her leg. Diamond Tiara leans back in her chair. The euphoric release of endorphins throughout her body, mixed with the buzz of Silver Spoons attention deficit medication kicking in, was finally doing the trick.
Diamond was always careful not to cut too deep. Her natural pink coat hid the small razor thin cuts well. Only if someone touched her leg would they notice the bumps that the scar tissue made. Nopony would ever need to know. Diamond Tiara knew how to keep a secret. It was a family trait; you had to be good at hiding your skeletons. Diamond Tiara was always told to keep shameful things to herself, and she listened well.
Some would probably say that Diamond was crying out for help. It was possible, Diamond reasoned, but not likely. Diamond has been crying out for help for so long that she knew better than to expect a response. She wasn’t a stupid filly; she knew what everypony thought of her. No matter what she did it was always just excused as the behavior of a spoiled brat, typical princess bitchiness, and because of who her father was, she always got away with it.
With a physical show of effort, Diamond Tiara forced all her dark thoughts away. Now isn’t the time to think about family, friends, or life in general. Taking note of the light was shined in from her balcony door, Diamond Tiara realized it was nearly morning, and she would need to go to school soon. But first, Diamond would enjoy the sunrise. It was a small pleasure in Diamonds life, and one of the few upsides to her insomnia. On her way to her balcony Diamond reaches into her daily satchel bag and takes out her cigarettes. Curled up on an outdoor chair, Diamond enjoyed both the sunrise and her cigarette. The smoke filling her lungs along with the morning’s cool crisp air.
Apple Bloom looked off into the distance and noticed the sun began to peek above the horizon. Being a farm pony Apple Bloom was quite used to early mornings. Pausing in her work, Apple Bloom took a moment to admire Celestia’s sun in all its magnificence. Taking a quick look around her family’s orchard, Apple Bloom gave a satisfied nod to a job well done. She had been helping her big sis out by checking this section of the orchard for sick trees, and finding none, it was time to get ready for school.
After a quick shower and checking to make sure her homework was in her school satchel, Apple Bloom was ready to go. The walk to school was made short by the amazing day. A cool spring breeze prevailed despite the closeness of summer. In a few short weeks summer break would start. Apple Bloom could hardly wait; she and her friends would finally have the time to really devote to finding their cutie marks.
Apple Bloom gave a small sigh, her lack of cutie mark had always been a depressing issue, but it had been weighing on her particularly heavily lately. It made her feel better that her two best friends, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, were still blank flanks too. It was an odd feeling to be so happy that her two friends were in the same boat as her. Apple Bloom knew that she should want her two friends to get their cutie marks, but if Apple Bloom was honest with herself, her friend getting their marks before her was a major fear for Apple Bloom. If she was honest with herself, she would realize how selfish and shallow those feelings were. However, Apple Bloom wasn’t completely honest with herself, opting to just not think about it.
Because of her ‘early to rise’ sleeping habit, Apple Bloom was used to being the first one to arrive at the school house. Recently, Diamond Tiara had been increasingly beating her. Today was no different. Seeing Diamond Tiara sitting in her chair brought Apple Bloom out of her introspective thoughts. Apple Bloom didn’t know or care for the reasons for the change in Diamond Tiara’s usual arrival time, so Apple Bloom did what she usually did in these cases and ignored Diamond’s presence. Taking her assigned seat next to Diamond Tiara, Apple Bloom quietly occupied herself with digging through her satchel.
Apple Bloom was pleasantly surprised that Diamond Tiara didn’t take advantage of the current teacher free situation. The unusual occurrence prompted Apple Bloom to take a wary glance over at her school bully.
Diamond Tiara did not even seem aware that Apple Bloom had entered the room. Diamond Tiara’s hollow sleep deprived eyes were fixed forward staring yards beyond where the wall was. Apple Bloom was slightly unnerved by the uncomfortable notion of sharing a room with someone who didn’t know you were there. Suppressing a smirk for the miserable condition her bully seemed to be in, Apple Bloom interrupted the silence with a quick and sharp cough. Diamond Tiara’s eyes dilated as they were brought back to focusing on reality. Slowly turning toward the invading noise, Diamond Tiara gave a scoff of irritated recognition.
“Morning Blank Flank, what a pleasure to see you,” Diamond Tiara’s greeting dripping with sarcasm.
Coming from Diamond Tiara, the insult barely registered to Apple Bloom.
“Mornin’, Diamond,” Apple Bloom returned while rolling her eyes. Seeing as everything was back to normal, Apple Bloom took out her homework to double check her answers before class started.
“Damn, that is last night’s homework isn’t it?” Diamond Tiara’s question sounding more like a statement, “I completely forgot about that.”
Apple Bloom gave Diamond Tiara a quick look then went back to her double checking.
“Hey, there is still time before Cheerilee gets here. Let me copy your answers,” Diamond Tiara demanded.
“Umm, yeah, no, that ain’t happenin,” replied an annoyed Apple Bloom.
“Shut up and give it here!” Diamond Tiara yelled as she reaches across to grab the papers off Apple Bloom desk, but Apple Bloom was quick enough to grab Diamond’s leg before she could pull the papers back to her. As soon as Apple Bloom made contact with Diamond Tiara’s leg she instantly dropped the homework and recoiled in pain. Apple Bloom could only stare at Diamond Tiara in confusion.
“Waa? Ya ok?” Apple Bloom asked on reflex.
“Of course I am OK,” Diamond Tiara quickly asserted, “Just keep your stupid dirt farming hooves off me.” Even for Diamond Tiara the insult was surprisingly venomous, but Apple Bloom was a strong filly and could take and give worse.
“Now I have to go and wash you off me,” continued Diamond Tiara while holding her leg.
Apple Bloom could only watch as Diamond Tiara left the room in a hurry. Apple Bloom collected her homework off the ground where it had somehow fallen and went back to checking her answers. The class slowly filled up and Apple Bloom put the bizarre confrontation behind her as her friends proved to be an excellent distraction. By the time Diamond came back into class just before the bell rang and took her seat, Apple Bloom had completely forgotten about the incident.
The school day passed without too much ado. When Cheerilee picked up the homework, Apple Bloom noticed that Diamond Tiara had her head down and was looking away but thought little of it. It was toward the end of the day when Cheerilee decided to seriously complicate Apple Bloom’s life.
“Now, as you are all very much aware, summer break starts in two weeks. You will be partnered up for your summer project. Over the next week you should decide what your summer project will be and confirm with me for approval.” A collective groan was the general reply of the entire class. The last thing that the little filly and colts wanted to think about was doing work over their summer. Cheerilee began to name off partners for their project. Last year Apple Bloom had partnered with Archer on their project, and truth be told, it wasn’t that bad of an assignment just time consuming. Apple Bloom waited patiently for her name to be called. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were paired up and Apple Bloom felt an uncomfortable twinge of jealousy that they we going to work on something without her.
“. and last but certainly not least,” Cheerilee’s sing song voice hummed, “Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara …” Cheerilee’s lips continued moving but Apple Bloom stopped hearing her words. This couldn’t be happening. Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara turned slowly to look at each other.
“Horseapples,” both fillies mumbled to themselves.
Published — 28th Aug 2012
Proofread — 10th Jun 2013 ^_^
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vamparity
What is a pony? A fabulous little pile of secrets. But enough talk.
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Apple Bloom’s friends romanticize the idea of how special a first kiss is and how she’ll remember it for the rest of her life.
It’d be a shame if somepony messed that up for her.
nice entry to the story got my attention
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight.
Is this a joke or something?
this was really sweet i love it
8438980
i thought that was clever word play
8438980
sorry, couldn’t help myself. i know i was probably channeling too much smarmy Diamond Tiara in this, definitely spilled out in the narration there.
It’s been at least seven years and sis still won’t let me run the stand.»
I see what you did there.
«You’re welcome,» Apple Bloom giggled. «See? Wasn’t so bad.»
They stared at each other. Diamond Tiara evaluated the new power dynamic between them, in a purely business sense, and concluded that she did not approve. .
No kidding! AB is ridiculously smooth in this story! Possibly a little too smooth. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but dang!
Scootaloo is my hero.
At first I was thinking «I’m liking this!» but Diamond Tiara’s dialogue/thoughts are making me neeeervoooous.
«Nice first kiss you’ve got set up here. Would be a shame if something happened to it.»
I don’t know if our heroines are entirely in character (I get that they’re a bit older), but I like how they’re written regardless. This has been a pretty good story.
She shifted awkwardly, clearing her throat. «I know the colors on the shield are meant to represent you, but they had my colors in there too. I liked to imagine your cutie marks were my royal seal and you were my knights.»
Interesting thought. would make for a cool AU!
Gah, my story knocked out of the feature box by adorable slice of life fic? Not even mad.
Congrats on being featured!
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight.
I can’t quite make up my mind if that was incredibly painful, or amazing.
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight.
Wait a minute.
Did you word that in that manner on purpose?
Anyway, cute little story. Gets an upvote & fav.
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight.
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight.
I’m sorry, no matter how hard you try, Spoiled Rich can’t be a sympathetic character. She’s an emotionally abusive mega-cunt. I understand you had to set this up somehow, but there are plenty of ways other than making it out like Diamond Tiara hating her mother’s guts isn’t totally reasonable.
Aw, they’re flirting.
You know the funny thing is, aside from technically being just a seamstress, Rarity’s parents are implied to be millers. So, in all likelihood, she’s just as working class as Applejack and just pretends to be fancy.
This makes a lot of sense given her behavior around actual high society ponies, like in Sweet and Elite. Girl is in serious denial.
«Come on,» Apple Bloom pleaded, raising herself up, «My ma got one, Mrs. Cake got one, sis even got one though I don’t think it’ll catch on. It’s what marefriends do.»
Damn, Apple Bloom moves fast.
. Honestly, something was bugging me about all this. I wasn’t sure what exactly, since I usually find this kind of straightforward romance to be refreshing. I think I figured it out, though: Apple Bloom is being incredibly open about her feelings towards a pony who was, very recently, essentially her greatest enemy, and who is still acting a bit hostile.
Seriously, the old Diamond Tiara could easily have weaponized a love confession and used it to hurt Apple Bloom pretty badly. It’s just kinda strange Apple Bloom doesn’t seem even a little bit concerned about that possibility. If there is any pair who should have to overcome some serious trust issues, it’s this one.
i like the cover art it made me laugh lol stupid little rich pony
«Bleh,» Scootaloo pretended to puke. She turned to face Diamond Tiara, giving her a face that said she was onto her schemes and that she had better watch out.
Well then. This story is technically very well written; the language itself is excellent, you describe everything well and give good insights into the feelings and thoughts of the characters. So, nothing to worry about in that regard.
If it has a weakness, it’s in the actual storytelling. The plot kinda lacks strong conflict and tension even though you seemed to be setting something like that up. What conflict you do have is mostly glossed over: Diamond and Apple Bloom share a belligerent attraction but move on to straight up girlfriends almost immediately and with no particular dramatic catalyst, and their romance doesn’t result in any notable consequences. Diamond’s relationship with her mother is troubled, but apparently it wasn’t very serious and all Diamond needed was to relax a bit and have an honest talk about her feelings. Sweetie and Scootaloo find out about the relationship and are almost instantly okay with it. There simply weren’t any high stakes, and good romances (heck, good relationship stories in general) rely heavily on building anticipation before the emotional payoff.
Like I said, you clearly have pretty advanced technical writing skills and I think you seem rather talented. At this point you should probably start digging into serious writing theory: the deep stuff, like narrative structure and devices, making and keeping promises to your readers, themes and motifs, and so on. I’m not saying this story is bad or anything, but I don’t think you used your full potential here. It’s a nice little love story but it could have been amazing.
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